Today I read crushes are often just misplaced ambition and want what you have by Isabel.
On crushes
The feeling we get around a crush, or when a crush is starting to form, is actually quite similar to the feeling we get when we define a new goal or set a new aim that really excites us. Like signing up for a marathon, or trying to get into medical school, or meeting someone doing exactly what we want to be doing. We start to imagine ourselves doing that thing, and it gives us butterflies. It gives us this floaty feeling of not being where we are, of zooming into some new era of space and time where we can be someone else, doing something else that we really want to do, or being like someone we really want to be more likeājust like we get to be someone new with a new crush.
And I think thatās quite normal; to look out into the world and feel attracted to things we want to see more of. This is, I think, how everyone develops their own definition of beauty. Itās largely the intersection of what we find most interesting, and what we want to see more of in the world. Because beauty, by definition, is rare and hard to find. If it was everywhere, it wouldnāt be beautiful. It wouldnāt snag our attention and hold it, as real beauty does. It would float in and out of our field of vision without ever really capturing us.
On wanting what you have
C.S. Lewis has this piece of writing called theĀ Inner RingĀ that I think about often. The core concept is that in any arena of life, at any stage, you will always sense that there is some in-group you are not quite ināa slightly-higher-status, intangible upper tier that you feelĀ justĀ on the cusp of. We vie to belong to it, making significant sacrifices to get inside this Inner Ring. But as soon as we get in, a new one appears. Itās like the Russian dolls that multiply each time you crack one open, or in Lewisā words: āit is like piercing through the skins of an onion.ā
But what if we inverted this perspective, discarded the notion that we needed to claw at this all-powerful, ever-alluring Inner Ring, and instead decided that the center of the Inner Ring is wherever we areĀ right now?
We typically say things like ābe gratefulā or āshow appreciationā to point at this concept, but I like this clear, instructive phrasing:Ā want what you have.Ā It is like a metaphorical slap in the face, that says:Ā hey, you! stop looking around at all the people that arenāt you and wishing for the things you donāt have. Be where you are. Love the people youāre around. Feel the power within you that you can tap into any moment you become conscious of it.
As an experiment, Iāve begun treating things Iāve done many times before like it is the first time I am doing them. Things as simple as getting my usual order at a cafĆ©, having dinner with someone I love, hugging my parents, writing an essay. I am exploring this question of: how does my attitude change when I treat these things like it is my first time doing them, and better yet_: like I have been yearning deeply for them for a very long time?_