Most of my life, I have been a perfectionist, which very much stems from imposter syndrome. It’s a struggle that I know that will never truly disappear, but I am getting much better at not letting it take over—in large part, because I have gotten better at accepting being good enough.
However, there is a tension between adopting a “good enough” mentality and resisting complacency. I still care about improving.
The path of improvement can become a slippery slope if there is an envisioned outcome at the end of the path that is beyond our control. In other words, less focus on outcomes and more focus on the process. The process is the outcome. This seems easiest to maintain when I’m doing meaningful work in community.
The community aspect feels like it’s been missing. My only job has been as a college professor. I have amazing colleagues who inspire me to be a better teacher and who I can vent and share joys with. But ultimately the act of teaching—both being in the classroom and preparing to do so—is a rather solo endeavor. Being the only teacher in the classroom feels lonely - especially when the dynamic between me and my students is (on the whole) unlike the intimate dynamic that I have with my colleagues.